Bachelor Ep. 2 Recap: Good Nick, Bad Nick

(ABC/Rick Rowell) RAVEN, VANESSA, JASMINE G., BRITTANY, ELIZABETH W., NICK VIALL, CORINNE, SARAH, ALEXIS, HAILEY, LACEY

Make sure you listen to this week’s Rosé Ceremony recap in your car, or while drinking wine in front of your cat!

It’s week two and Nick already has us feeling like a 🎭. Examples:

😀 He kicks off Liz even though she is trying to distract him with a moth-shaped jumper.

🙁 He smirks while telling all the other contestants he had sex with Liz.

😀 He responds to Danielle M.’s story about her fiancé dying of an overdose so eloquently and sweetly that she says it’s the best conversation she’s ever had about it.

🙁 He gives Corinne the group date rose even though she made him fondle her naked breasts in front of all the other contestants (!!!)

Is he the guy who takes care to call the contestants women not girls, or the guy who has probably lightly touched half the girls’ hoo-has by episode 2? I feel so torn!

This episode kicked off with a rather odd group date: a wedding photo session. Having women dress up in bridal gowns for a first date seems a little awky to me, but it did make for good TV. He picked most of his favorite ladies for this group date, including such heavy hitters as Vanessa, Corinne, “runner-up” Sarah, Alexis (shark/dolphin girl), Raven (“family, faith, football”), Danielle L. the bombshell, no panties Hailey and basketball dancer Jasmine.

It was fun to see all the contestants get dressed up, especially Alexis, who had to portray a shotgun wedding. She’s clearly going to bring some comedy weirdness to this show. Corinne had to dress up in a bikini top (I can’t remember her concept other than like … pool makeout wedding or something?) and got visibly sad that Brittany got to wear less clothes than her.

She would continue to deflate anytime anyone else got any attention. No worries! She solved this by deciding she and Nick would do a “Janet Jackson” in the pool. This is what I referred to as the sad face moment earlier. We can’t really blame Nick for going along with it (although would Ben have? No way!), but we can blame him for giving her the rose after all that. Nick, you’re being a stereotype of Nick!

Corinne’s antics seem to have unleashed a mad dash to compete for Nick’s kisses/gropes, much to Nick’s benefit. There has to be an anthropological term for this phenomenon.

Later on, Corinne did have one endearing moment. Upon realizing everyone else hated her, she decided to throw her arms up and drunkenly sign off with “XO XO, Gossip Girl!” See, I knew she would at least make better allusions to TV than the others.

After the group date, Nick made a surprising choice for his 1-on-1 date: Danielle M. They did a lot of cliché bachelor group date things (helicopter, champagne, hot tub), making it fairly unmemorable, other than their convo about her past. It was clear that on this date we were dealing with “Good Nick.”

His next group date was composed of a collection of women who hadn’t made such a good first impression, including Liz, Josephine, Jaimi and Kristina. To further solidify my argument that he doesn’t like any of these contestants, he takes them to a “breakup museum” where they have to practice breaking up with him.

While some display true acting chops (particularly Jaimi), Liz takes this opportunity to write a bad Jerry Maguire scene about how she wants Nick to fight for her. Nick is really annoyed at this point, and quickly asks her to leave soon after.

It’s worth noting that two contestants did not go on ANY dates at all: our Minnesota homegirl Whitney, and his first impression rose receiver, Rachel. I’m worried for Whitney at this point, but also confused about why Rachel didn’t get any play. Maybe she had to run home and fight in court!

I hope Nick is a little more self-aware next week. Corinne will continue to show her true colors, and if Nick doesn’t figure it out Chris Harrison might have to give him a sad look. I also hope Vanessa and Rachel get a little more screen time. I missed them.

For now, other predictions:

Most likely to marry Chad from JoJo’s season: Corinne, duh! Wouldn’t that be cute/horrifying?

Most likely to become house mom: Christen. She kept that secret really well!

Most likely to have gotten stuck in a pilates machine and thus rendered unable to appear on TV: Whitney

 

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