I’m now in week six of living like an agoraphobic germaphobe. I have not used a bathroom outside of my house for a month and a half. I go to Target sometimes at the crack of dawn for rare gems like Clorox wipes, canned green chilies or english muffins. I live in $15 leggings from Amazon that have stained white surfaces in my house. There is nothing to do but be a consumption monster. So I thought I would log and categorize some of what I’m consuming.
The Circle Brazil: The Circle is just like real life now. Everyone is sequestered by themselves with nothing to do but make clay figurines of “friends” and yell at a screen. I blew through the American one and found the Brazilian one even better. Now I know how to accuse someone of being a catfish in Portuguese. (You’ll have to catfish me to find out!)
This Way Up: While this show’s name is almost impossible to remember, it features Sharon Horgan (from Catastrophe) and, like Catastrophe, is funny.
Tiger King: I was afraid to watch this based on the name. Sounds scary! But it is possibly one of the greatest weird little things ever.
Devs: Think Lost but focused and calm likeThe OA. Nick Offerman plays a cro mag-looking tech genius and Sonoya Mizuno steals the show even though there are lots of male gazey shots of her underwear. Great if you like to think about quantum physics, determinism and murder.
What We Do in the Shadows: The show version of the movie is back! Related: I saw Taika Waititi on a plane in Hawaii once and he was was wearing touristy aloha gear and having the time of his life.
McMillions: McDonald’s Monopoly was all a lie!? What’s next? The Teeny Beanies were filled with Russian nanny cams?
Mythic Quest: Mac from Always Sunny plays a video game creative director in a Silicon Valley-like sitcom. I think it’s only on Apple TV+ so no one will watch it but us. 🙁
Big Time Adolescence: Remember when Pete Davidson was the tiny child boy on SNL? Now he’s starring in a Superbad-style high school flick about a kid who gets corrupted by his sister’s cool boyfriend. I liked it a lot, although it’s sad.
Honey Boy: As a life-long Shia LaBeouf stan, I was excited for his weird-looking drama about an actor and his clown father. I left this movie truly shook by how little LaBeouf’s childhood was like Even Stevens, which I am embarrassed to admit was 100% my assumption.
Onward: This Pixar movie about brothers who bring back only their dad’s lower body through magic is definitely out there.
Detective Pikachu: Remember when Ash left Pikachu on the Pikachu island to be with other Pikachus? That Pokemon can cause some real emotions. I’d call this movie LEGO Movie-esque in that, by all means, it should be stupid, but I liked it. Not as much as LEGO Movie. But more than I should have.
Pop-Tarts: I used to eat Pop-Tarts constantly during lent as a kid cuz I would give up other junk foods and somehow they didn’t fall into that category. I don’t know if I’ve touched them since college. Dare I say they’ve improved? The pretzel Pop-Tart is so good I kind of picture it with sparkles around it.
Daily Harvest stuff: In the weird panicked mindset that I’m in, I’ve been eating almost nothing but comfort foods. Sometimes the Daily Harvest items stockpiled in my freezer are the only healthy things I eat. I published my tasting notes in honor of this.
Easter Candy: Easter has the best candy. I don’t know if it’s the lent thing or what, but something about Cadbury eggs, mini eggs, caramel eggs, etc. just tastes better than all other candy. My parents gave us some Ghirardelli caramel bunnies too, which I would highly recommend.
A freezer full of buffalo meat from my uncle: My uncle and aunt in South Dakota always send us boxes of Wild Idea buffalo meat for Christmas. They’ve really come in handy lately.
Boxed desserts: I usually don’t make dessert out of boxes but times are unusual. They have a weirdly satisfying taste that I can only assume is straight trans fats?
Grimes: Miss Anthropocene is good apocalypse music. I really like “Delete Forever” and “IDORU.”
Grace Ives: Like if a game of Mall Madness came to life and was a tear jerker. I like “Babyyy” and “Mirror.”
Moses Sumney: Reminds me of the days I used to rollerblade around to the Dirty Projectors. I like “Cut Me” and “Make Out in My Car.”
Ezra Furman: Check this out. Ezra Furman is 1 year and 1 day older than me. Pretty cool. (I’m exactly 1 year and day older than my best friend Angela, for context.) Do you need to know more? I like “Love You So Bad” and the cover of “I Can Change” by LCD Soundsystem.
Vagabon: Vagabon’s self-titled album is perfect music for driving around feeling sad and weird. I like “Please Don’t Leave the Table” and “Full Moon in Gemini.”
Mostly Dead Things: Kristen Arnett’s book about a family taxidermy business covers topics like suicide, loss, divorce, abandonment, being gay in a small town and being weirded out by your mom’s art.
Weather: This short book by Jenny Offil captures the vibe of dread and things falling apart.
Such a Fun Age: I just started this book by Kiley Reid. I like it so far.
Las Culturistas: Bowen Yang and Matt Rogers are recording their pop culture podcast remotely, thank God. It’s so fascinating to hear about how podcast people are doing in all this.
Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend: I’ve gotten crap for listening to this because, supposedly, Conan O’Brien is too big to mess around with podcasts. I don’t care. I love it and him.
Comedy Bang Bang: Gotta laugh.
The Daily: When I feel like being depressed on a long run, I’ll crush a few of these.
Make My Day: Josh Gondelman is arguably the nicest comedian in the world. I was excited to find out he was starting a podcast. I checked out ep 1 on my run and laughed a lot.
Tea: Now that I’m home 24/7, I’m finally blowing through the wall of tea boxes I’ve collected. Did you know you can drink tea all day and there’s no consequence?
Fulton Hard Seltzers: High-end local White Claw!
Dram CBD water: I drank one of these when I got my nails done once and now periodically order them to my house so I don’t have to get my nails done to get more.