Are We Ready for Nick’s Season of the Bachelor?

I left this caption on because it is so informational! (Premieres Monday, January 2 [8:00-10:01 p.m. EST], on the ABC Television Network. [ABC/Craig Sjodin] )

I was late to the whole Bachelor franchise. Then, one post-mimosa Saturday, I found myself watching JoJo’s season of The Bachelorette. JoJo herself was magical, especially her tendency to drink late into the night and show off her midriff. Plus, her name is a potato shape! Even more intriguing was the season’s insane murderer Chad, who spouts out insults like “Why wouldn’t you drink milk? Milk is delicious.” I was instantly hooked.

I decided to watch a random back-season to fulfill my new addiction, and chose Andi Dorfman’s. Her season sucks, but it led my to my next journalistic quest, which was covering everything NICK.

Andi’s season was Nick’s first run as underdog, after Andi narrowly dodged engagement to him in favor of the emotionally abusive Josh (who is now engaged to Amanda. OMG, this world is crazy … Sugar Bear Hair!).

Amanda is the one in blue, who got engaged to Josh. Amanda has also kissed Nick and Ben. I have so much more to say about these people.

Then I watched Nick on Bachelor in Paradise, which is an amazing show that masterfully uses footage of crabs scuttling as a foreshadowing mechanism. Some would say Nick used Bachelor in Paradise to prove that he has changed/ is ready for love/ is more ripped.

Finally, to be the good journalist that I am, I watched Nick on Kaitlyn Bristowe’s season. Now that was a great season. Not only did it explain why women like Jared so much (he’s amazing at boxing!), but it also introduced us to Ben Higgins, who is now suffering through his relationship with Lauren on Ben and Lauren: Happily Ever After? 

After having a steamy and ~~intimate~~ date with Nick, Kaitlyn became a “controversial” bachelorette. She broke the unwritten rule that you’re not supposed to sleep with anyone until fantasy suites. Chris Harrison wasn’t mad at her, just disappointed. This is the power that Nick has over women. He gets them to break rules.

But it did not pan out well for young Nick (actually he’s 35, which is old in this world), as Kaitlyn unintentionally copied Andi and dumped him in the finale. Now, his narrative as a puppy-eyed underdog was solidified. He had almost gotten engaged from the franchise twice!

The problem was, a lot of people hated Nick. For example, my mom and Neil’s mom have both voiced in different ways that they find him to be a “sleaze.” I was curious to find out why this was, as he doesn’t necessarily read that way to me. I think people find him to be a sleaze for three reasons:

  1. The other bachelors hate him because they think he is “there for the wrong reasons.”
  2. He slept with Kaitlyn and Andi, and probably a few other people in the franchise, and doesn’t mind talking about it in follow-up interviews.
  3. He gossips. A lot.

Quick aside here. It always confuses me when one contestant singles out another for “being there for the wrong reasons.” Aren’t they all there for the wrong reasons? Their main objective isn’t really to get married, but to become the next bachelor/bachelorette themselves and gain enough Instagram followers to make schilling hair vitamins their main source of income. When a contestant brings this up, it ruins the illusion of the show for me a bit, so I wish they would just stop. I genuinely want to believe JoJo and Jordan will make it work, people.

Anyway, here is my take on the enigma that is Nick. I don’t think he’s a sleaze, per se. Did he manipulate his narrative in order to become the bachelor? Absolutely. But the show is a contest, and we can’t necessarily fault him for playing it well.

What actually makes Nick divisive is that he is the first indie bachelor. He does not have a Bible verse tattooed anywhere on his torso. He is not a military Veteran. He doesn’t know how to bro out; he only knows how to gossip and talk about feelings. In short, he doesn’t care about seeming traditionally masculine at all. As a result, men don’t like Nick, and women do.

Nick seems exactly like someone who would have worked at Gawker (RIP). He’s sharp, dark-humored and a bit manipulative, and probably would have outed a politician as gay just to get mad hits.

While beefy army guys and cowboys hate Nick’s roundabout social strategizing, women understand it. The problem is, it tends to get him friend-zoned. Kaitlyn loves talking feelings with him, but at the end of the day, she’s going to pick jacked-up Shawn. He’s a MAN, and Kaitlyn wants someone who will wear a matching Fitbit with her for life. (I love Kaitlyn, btw. She was just drinking Fireball on Insta the other day.)

I’ve done my homework, and I think Nick’s season could possibly be one of the best seasons yet. While Ben Higgins was a rare gem who was there for the right reasons, and truly respects women, Nick is there for sort of the wrong reasons (sorry), and truly gets women. This should spell good TV.

Now I’m going to try to guess his final four based on the “reveal” of the contestants that came out the other day. I want to put some kind of guess in writing. (And no I haven’t read any leaks from the upcoming season!)

Michelle owns a food truck, is 5’1 and speaks Portuguese. That’s pretty cool.

Whitney is from MINNESOTA so I have to pick her. Plus she’s really pretty. Bonus points: She’s afraid of horses. Me too, Whitney.

Corrine’s favorite show is Frasier, which I think Nick will respect. She’s also only 5’1. I’m biased to like other short girls.

Danielle just looks like the type of woman that men are willing to embarrass themselves for. That makes great TV, IMO.

Other notes:

Almost ALL of these women want to be Olivia Pope. Does Nick have a “thing” for Olivia Pope that led him to request this?

I tried not to pick anyone who likes Nicholas Sparks TOO much but most of them do! I feel like Nick is more of a Milan Kundera guy??

I eliminated one girl just for saying “Sheryl Crow is my girl.”

Who do you think will win? Also if you’ve read “leaks” and actually know don’t tell me!!

Do you think Nick is a sleaze or a misunderstood man?

Is he ready to love again???