Thank you for inquiring about my dog. She is always happy to be of service. Here are just a few that she provides:
-Accompanying you to the bathroom and patiently waiting outside until you’re done.
-If permitted in the bathroom, she will quickly proceed to try to clean your underwear.
-If you are taking a selfie in a new piece of clothing, she will sit next to you while you look at yourself in the mirror, and appear as a stoic bystander in your picture.
-Warning any dogs, floating grocery bags, moms with strollers, For Sale signs or Amazon delivery guys that they are not welcome in front of your house.
-This same service extends to uttering a deep growl at any dog that moves within eyesight of your car.
-When people do enter your house, she will panic with happiness in a manner that causes her to jump lightly against their groin several times.
-Staring at creepy men on walks with such focus that she sometimes walks into a tree.
-Licking the dirt and grime off of your feet after a long day at the fair.
-If you should sleep later than usual, she will dive nose-first under your sheets to pull them off of you.
-If this doesn’t work, she will curl up under those sheets and keep you warm until you’re ready to get up.
-Bringing you an object, a ball say, over and over again.
-Licking any salt, food crumbs or body lotion off your couch.
-Eating any food at all off the floor, with the exception of salad leaves, which she will lick and then spit back out.
-Looking at you soulfully while you eat, often with one paw on your knee.
-Encouraging you to run, Blair Witch Project-style, if you should see any scary Halloween decorations in your neighborhood. If one of these decorations is wearing an Old Navy fleece and sitting in a lawn chair, she will merely stop to kiss his nose.
-Sleeping by your feet while you work, workout, and sleep.
As you can see, there are many advantages to having a dog like mine. She accepts tips in the form of bacon-flavored treats, pinches of turkey, belly rubs and toys she can slowly destroy.